Domestic Violence

Breaking the Silence

If you’ve scrolled through TikTok lately, you might have noticed Rihanna’s old track “Breakin’ Dishes” popping back up. It’s playful, loud, even a little chaotic — and while it’s not about domestic violence per say, the raw frustration in the song resonates with a lot of people. It taps into something deeper: relationships can be messy and sometimes dangerously so.

Behind the beat and viral trend lies a much more sobering truth: domestic violence is not rare. It’s everywhere — our neighbors, co-workers, and sometimes behind the doors of people we’d least expect, like family.

How Widespread Is It, Really?

• In the U.S., nearly 10 million people experience domestic violence every year. That’s 24 people every minute.

• About 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience some form of intimate partner violence in their lifetime.

• The risk skyrockets when firearms are involved — a gun increases the chance of a domestic violence homicide by 500%.

And here’s the chilling part: only about half of incidents are ever reported to the police. Silence keeps cycles going.

The Lasting Impact

The damage isn’t just in the moment. Survivors often carry the effects for decades:

• Mental health: Higher rates of PTSD, depression, and anxiety.

• Physical health: Injuries, traumatic brain injuries (TBIs), and chronic conditions.

• Economic impact: Women lose an estimated $103,000 across their lifetime because of missed work, medical bills, and recovery costs.

It’s not just about “a bad relationship.” It’s about health, safety, and survival.

Why Does It Happen?

Communities and Cultural Attitudes

Domestic violence is rooted in control, power, and often cultural attitudes that normalize silence. While some studies suggest that certain shifts in community values, such as faith communities, can help lower violence rates, it’s important to recognize that many of these communities are also highly controlling environments that may perpetuate silence or reinforce harmful dynamics.

Reliance on Higher Powers

Survivors are often encouraged to rely on a higher power to intervene or to wait for divine action, which can delay seeking practical help. This can reinforce passivity and create a sense that change must come from outside themselves rather than through concrete support or safety planning.

Friends and Family Responses

Friends and family might say “just leave”, yet often stop short of offering real, long-term assistance, such as housing, financial help, or protection. This can leave the survivor feeling abandoned, misunderstood, or trapped between expectations and limited support.

Inner Conflicting Feelings and Trauma Bonds

All of this creates conflicting feelings — a mix of hope that the abuser will change, belief that love or effort might change them, and deep fear of what leaving could bring. Over time, trauma bonding can form, where the survivor feels a powerful emotional connection to the abuser because of the cycle of abuse followed by intermittent affection or apologies. This cycle of harm and reconciliation creates a distorted sense of loyalty and attachment. In some cases, Stockholm syndrome may also develop, where the victim begins to sympathize with or defend the abuser as a coping mechanism for survival. Both dynamics strengthen emotional ties to the abuser, making the cycle of abuse incredibly difficult to recognize, challenge, and ultimately break free from.

What Helps Survivors Heal

The good news? Interventions work. Evidence-based approaches such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), empowerment-based therapy, creative expressive methods, and play- or adventure-based techniques help survivors process trauma, rebuild self-esteem, and regain control over their lives in a safe and trauma-informed way.

While therapy is central, broader systemic and global factors also influence domestic violence rates. Policies like legal protections, accessible shelters, and reproductive rights, along with community education and social awareness campaigns, can reduce abuse and support survivor safety worldwide.

Why This Conversation Matters

When songs like “Breakin’ Dishes” go viral, it’s a reminder of how art mirrors real emotions. But behind the catchy chorus, countless people live with daily fear, isolation, and danger.

Breaking the silence — whether through sharing stories, supporting legislation, or checking in on a friend — is how cycles of abuse are interrupted.

Domestic violence thrives in silence. It ends when we make it impossible to ignore.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

Locally, you can also contact CASA St. Pete at (727) 895-4912 for support.

You’re not alone, and help is available.