Building Resilience When Life Is Hard

How to Adapt and Thrive Through Adversity

Whether it's personal loss, financial uncertainty, global crises, or mental health challenges, we all face adversity. Resilience isn’t about avoiding pain—it’s about learning how to move through it well, with adaptability and regulation.

Psychologists define resilience as the capacity to bounce back from difficult experiences and adapt positively. It’s not something you either have or don’t—it’s a skill set that can be nurtured and developed over time. In fact, a 2023 review published in Nature Human Behaviour shows that resilience is influenced by both internal (emotional regulation, self-efficacy) and external (social support, environment) factors. The good news? Many of these are within your control.

7 Research-Backed Techniques to Build Resilience

1. Strengthen Emotional Awareness

Being able to name what you’re feeling is the first step toward regulating it. Practices like journaling, mood tracking, and therapy help bring clarity to complex emotions. According to the American Psychological Association, people with strong emotional insight are better equipped to manage stress and problem-solve.

Try This: Each day, name three emotions you felt and what triggered them. Labeling your emotional experiences builds resilience over time.

2. Build a Flexible Mindset

Resilient people aren’t blindly optimistic—but they do believe they can survive difficult situations and grow stronger from them. This growth-oriented mindset, rooted in Carol Dweck’s research on neuroplasticity, empowers individuals to reframe adversity by shifting their perspective from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What is this teaching me?” This mental flexibility promotes emotional agility, enabling them to adapt their responses and develop new skills in the face of challenge.

Try This: Reframe a current challenge by identifying one strength it’s helping you develop (e.g., patience, boundary-setting, assertiveness).

3. Create a Ritual

Rituals anchor us. Whether it’s a morning walk, prayer, art, or deep breathing, small daily practices give structure to chaos and allow your nervous system to recalibrate. A 2022 study found that people who maintained even brief daily rituals during the COVID-19 pandemic reported greater emotional regulation and psychological resilience.

Try This: Choose one 10-minute ritual each day that helps you return to yourself.

4. Nurture Safe Relationships

Relational connection is one of the most effective buffers against stress, according to multiple studies. For instance, research confirm that quality social bonds lower cortisol levels, increase resilience, and improve long-term mental health outcomes. Beyond the biology, being seen and supported by even one trusted person helps us feel safe, stay grounded, and process adversity without shutting down or spiraling.

Try This: Text or call one person today just to connect—no pressure to share anything personal. A simple check-in, a funny meme, or a kind word can be enough to remind your nervous system that you’re not alone.

5. Focus on What You Can Control

Chronic uncertainty can activate a stress response that depletes both emotional and physical energy, according to research from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Resilient individuals aren’t necessarily less affected by unpredictability—they simply learn to redirect their attention to what’s within their influence. Studies in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) consistently show that focusing on controllable factors, like our thoughts and behaviors, significantly reduces anxiety and enhances problem-solving. Rather than spinning in "what ifs," resilience teaches us to ask, "What now?"

Try This: Use the “Circle of Control” exercise:

• List what’s out of your control.

• List what is in your control.

• Take one small action from the second list today.

  
  

6. Make Space for Grief and Rest

Building resilience doesn’t mean “pushing through.” It means honoring your nervous system’s need to pause, grieve, and repair. When we rest, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system—also known as the "rest and digest" state—which allows the body to downregulate stress hormones, repair tissues, restore immunity, and rebalance emotionally. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, resilience improves when we attune to—not override—our body’s signals. In other words, rest isn't a reward; it's a biological requirement for recovery. Giving yourself permission to slow down is one of the most resilient, and radically transformative, things you can do.

Try This: Notice when you feel numb, tense, or hypervigilant. Instead of criticizing yourself for needing a break, practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that your body is doing its best to protect you, and if that is difficult, perhaps think about what a kind friend would say to you.

7. Practice Micro-Recoveries

Resilience isn’t built in a single moment—it grows through tiny choices to pause, breathe, and reset throughout the day. Research shows that short, intentional breaks—known as micro-recoveries—can help regulate your nervous system, improve focus, and lower cumulative stress. Even just 60 seconds of conscious breathing or stepping outside can shift you back into a more grounded state.

Try This: Set a reminder every few hours to do one small thing that brings you back into your body: a stretch, a sip of water, a single deep breath, or even stepping away from your screen. These micro-moments of care are small but powerful acts of resilience.

Final Thoughts: Resilience Is a Practice

Building resilience doesn’t happen in a single breakthrough moment—it unfolds through the everyday choices to keep moving forward. Whether you’re grieving, navigating change, or healing from trauma, remember that struggling is a natural part of being human. With time, support, and intention, you can develop a form of resilience that is grounding, flexible, and uniquely your own. And resilience doesn’t mean going it alone—if you find it difficult to manage on your own, therapy can provide valuable support, especially when past trauma feels overwhelming.

If you're ready to start building resilience with support, we offer free 15-minute consultations. We can explore together how therapy can help you heal, adapt, and thrive.