Coping with Grief and Loss

Offer guidance on navigating the grieving process and suggest healthy coping mechanisms.

Grief is often framed as a problem to be solved—a series of emotional stages with a clear beginning and end. But the reality is far more complex. Grief can stretch across years, shift shape over time, and show up in ways that don’t make sense, even to you.

You may feel deep sorrow one day and nothing the next. You may laugh at a memory and feel guilty seconds later. You might even wonder if what you’re feeling "counts" as grief. These contradictions aren’t signs you’re doing it wrong—they’re signs you’re human.

While the “five stages of grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) are often cited, they were never meant to be a universal roadmap. Originally developed to describe the emotional process of terminally ill patients, they’ve been widely—and sometimes inaccurately—applied to all forms of loss. This can lead to the expectation that healing must happen in a neat, linear sequence.

But grief doesn’t follow rules. It’s not a staircase—it’s a landscape. One with valleys, storms, stillness, and unexpected moments of clarity.

In this blog, we move beyond the stages to explore the real terrain of grief—messy, cyclical, and deeply personal. Whether you're mourning a person, a future that never came to be, or a version of yourself that’s no longer here, your grief is valid. And it deserves space, compassion, and care.

Grief That Doesn’t Get Talked About

Grief isn’t just reserved for the passing of a loved one. While the death of someone close is often the most visible and societally acknowledged form of grief, many other experiences can spark deep sorrow—and often without the support or validation that typically follows a funeral.

Divorce, for instance, can feel like a death without a eulogy. You may mourn the loss of shared dreams, daily routines, or a sense of stability. Estrangement from family members can bring grief that’s filled with ambiguity—especially when the person is still alive but emotionally unreachable.

Letting go of a once-cherished belief system or religious identity can bring a kind of spiritual grief, especially when that belief gave your life structure, community, or meaning. Similarly, a life-altering diagnosis or the progression of a disability can trigger mourning for your past physical self, the roles you can no longer fulfill, or a future that now feels uncertain.

These types of grief often go unnamed, and that can make them even harder to carry. There’s no clear ritual, no obituary, no collective pause. That invisibility can compound the pain, making you question whether you’re even "allowed" to grieve.

But you are. These losses—whether relational, spiritual, physical, or imagined—are valid. Grieving them doesn’t diminish the importance of grieving someone who has died. It expands our understanding of what it means to love, to hope, and to lose.

The Pressure to “Grieve the Right Way”

In many cultures, grief makes people uncomfortable. It’s often something to be tiptoed around, rushed through, or “fixed.” You might hear phrases like:

"Everything happens for a reason."

"At least they lived a long life."

"Aren’t you over that by now?"

"I know exactly how you feel..."

These comments—though sometimes well-intentioned—can invalidate the full scope of someone’s emotional reality. They subtly communicate that grief is only acceptable if it's brief, quiet, tidy or stereotypical.

In reality, grief is complex and deeply individual. Research from the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence highlights that social norms often discourage open expressions of grief, especially when the loss doesn't fit traditional molds. This leads many people to suppress or mask their grief, which can increase symptoms of anxiety, depression, and even physical illness over time.

The Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement, developed by Stroebe and Schut, suggests that healthy grieving involves oscillating between confronting the pain of the loss and engaging in restorative activities—actions that help rebuild a sense of normalcy, identity, or even joy. This ebb and flow between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented experiences is a natural and necessary rhythm of healing—and it doesn’t fit neatly into others’ timelines or expectations.

Whether your grief is loud or quiet, recent or long-standing, visible or hidden, it deserves to be witnessed. Grief isn't something to “get over”—it's something to live with, move alongside, and integrate into your evolving story.

There is no right way to grieve. There is only your way—and your way is worth honoring.

Grief as a Shift in Identity

Grief doesn’t just take something from us—it changes who we are. It can unravel everything we thought we knew about ourselves and the world. After a loss, whether it's a person, a role, a dream, or a way of life, you may find yourself asking:

• Who am I without this person/role/dream?

• How do I move forward without losing what mattered?

• Can I ever feel “normal” again?

• What do I believe? Do my beliefs still fit?

  
  

These are more than questions—they're invitations into a new self. Research in post-traumatic growth suggests that loss, while painful, can also be a catalyst for deep personal transformation. But this transformation isn’t about bouncing back to your old self—it’s about becoming someone new with the wisdom of the loss carried forward.

You may begin to value different things. Your relationships might shift. What once felt important may no longer resonate. These changes are not signs of weakness—they’re signs of adaptation, resilience, and growth.

Therapy can help hold space for this evolution. A skilled therapist can help you make meaning of your experience, process identity changes, and reorient yourself to a life that still includes the loss—but is not defined by it. Through reflection, storytelling, and creative expression, therapy offers a container to gently explore who you are becoming.

You don’t have to go back to who you were. You get to discover who you are now—with grief as a part of your story, not the end of it.

When You’re Ready to Be Held in the Process

Grief asks a lot of us—and we shouldn’t have to carry it alone. Working with a therapist, especially one who is trauma-informed or trained in expressive modalities, can offer a space where your experience is fully seen and supported. Therapy can help you navigate complex or disenfranchised grief, process relationships that were complicated or abusive, and reconnect with parts of yourself that may have been silenced by pain. It can also guide you in finding meaning after loss and help you express what words alone often can’t.

You’re not broken for feeling what you feel. Grief is evidence of love, meaning, and importance. It's not about forgetting or “moving on.” It’s about learning to live in a new way—with the grief, not against it. And in that process, you don’t have to be alone. We see you. We honor you. And we’re here to walk with you.

Schedule your free 15-minute consultation today.